Nurturing and Maintaining Positive Student Relationships

In a previous blog post, “Six Ways to Build Relationships and Ensure Student Success,” I shared six strategies to build the foundation for great relationships with students. The following six strategies help to nurture and maintain positive relationships, not only with students, but with anyone in your life.

1. Understand their world

When a teacher builds a lesson plan for an instructional activity, one of the first steps is a pre-assessment of some type. Knowing what a student already knows about a particular topic allows the teachers to plan the activities needed to help the student grow from where they are. This is just as important in building and maintaining relationships as well. Setting and context are both crucial in understanding the world students are growing up in.

A child growing up and attending school in 2017 is experiencing a radically different world than their teachers encountered when they were in school. Beyond the changes in technology, culture, and the political climate, the personal world of students may be very different from the personal world of their teacher. It is important that teachers take the time to try to understand the resources a student has beyond the schoolhouse doors. Having involved and supportive parents or caregivers is an amazing resource for some students. Other students may not have these same advantages. Students may live in a suburban oasis of peace or a struggling neighborhood dealing with nightly violence.

The importance of knowing students and understanding their world cannot be overstated. If you know me and understand where I come from and what I experience outside of school, you are more likely to connect with me in an authentic way.

2. Show them unconditional love
The truth is that some children are easier to love. Compliant, polite children who follow directions well and seem to give their best efforts easily win the affection of their teachers. Children who struggle with behavior issues, who are rambunctious, or who seemingly cause chaos are less likely to engender the same positive feelings in their teachers. Every child though, deserves love from their teacher.

The important caveat is that the love must be unconditional. We cannot make deals with children about how they may earn our love or how they may keep our love. Excellent educators love all children and consequently want the very best outcome for them. Love that comes with strings: “I’ll love you when you show me you know how to sit in class” or “I don’t love you when you talk when I am talking,” simply is not love. It is some kind of misguided bribery system. Loving a child does not mean that there are not expectations. It does not mean that there are not consequences for poor behavior choices. It does mean that the child can count on at least one adult to be in their corner regardless of their struggles.

Bottom line: every child deserves a teacher who loves them unconditionally.

3. Celebrate small successes
Children start in different places academically. They have differing ability levels. Some catch-on quicker than others. If celebrations are saved for only monumental successes, then some children may never be celebrated. Yet, when a child experiences success, even small triumphs, and they are authentically celebrated by the adults they love and respect, the child is motivated to continue to work hard.

Nay-sayers will quickly downplay celebrating small successes and begin to discuss the prevalence of participation trophies. While I do not disagree that we are possibly over recognizing children in other aspects of life, this is not always the case in the classroom. This is particularly true of our most-vulnerable children. 

4. Never ever lower your standards
In this popular cartoon, equity allows all three children to see the game when equality would not. Lost in the shadow of that important message is that the height of the fence did not change. If we lower standards for children because of our perceptions of their abilities, we are doing them a tremendous disservice. I would argue that it is really insulting to the child’s potential to not expect them to achieve at the highest levels.

We must support and scaffold to assist our students in reaching the standard, but not by lowering expectations. If we really believe that every child can learn, then we work hard to figure out what it will take to help them do just that.

5. Share the belief we have in them
Believe in children and they will start to believe in themselves. As an educator, I can be a bit of a broken-record when it comes to the power of belief. I do believe that when we routinely share our belief in our students and our colleagues that we all achieve more. It stands to reason that a child is more willing to take an academic risk, to put themselves out there for a teacher who clearly believes in them.

Absent a willingness to try and the courage to fail in pursuit of success, children will not reach their potential. Do we believe in children? If so, they should know it.

6. Enlist help from their caregivers
The cliché states that it takes a village to raise a child. Sayings become clichés when they are repeated over and over. That repetition would seem to indicate that there must be some truth in it for people to keep saying it. It is true, it takes all of the caring adults in a child’s life working together for the child to realize their potential.

Sometimes when teachers reach out to parents, the response they receive is negative or even hurtful. We must encourage each other to not give up. We must keep reaching out for the child’s sake. We need the help of our students’ caregivers as much as they need our help.

In the end, relationships matter. Spending the time to develop and maintain positive relationships with students is well-worth the return on the investment.

All images are from Google Images