Six Ways to Build Relationships and Ensure Student Success
Relationships, relationships, relationships!
I am convinced that the very best programs, the latest technology, the newest school building, the most efficient administrator, and the smartest teacher do not make any difference in student outcomes if a student does not have a positive relationship with the adults in the school building. Relationships matter. In the case of student success, relationships are crucial.
The following six ideas will help nurture authentic relationships with students and help them feel ownership in the classroom and school.
Too many students live in tough circumstances. School should be a respite for students from negativity. The world supplies all of the ugliness needed to crush the spirits of the young people in our charge. As educators, we have the responsibility and the opportunity to create an oasis away from that. In every interaction, in every moment that we might be observed by our students, we should model positivity. Students should see us consistently smiling, consistently encouraging, and consistently approaching every task with a “can-do” attitude.
2. Be intentional in relationships
Students know if we really care or if we are just “faking it.” They see through cursory attempts to pretend to be interested in their lives. Plan moments for quick, individual conversations with students. A quick one-on-one chat in the hallway, between classes, during downtime, or at recess allows the opportunity to ask questions about a student’s interests and lives. Taking the time to really get to know our students demonstrates a genuine interest. Intentionally greeting every student at the doorway as they arrive allows both the opportunity to personally welcome the wonderful young people we are blessed to serve and to set the tone of the day or class period.
3. Find their “me” spot
Everyone has an area of personal interest. Invest the time to discover what each child is interested in. Beyond demonstrating a desire for an authentic relationship, knowing their interests allows you to tailor the curriculum and make it relevant for each child. If a child loves trains, help them find library books about locomotives. If the young person loves sports, use the statistics of baseball or gymnastic scores to illustrate math concepts. If you know “me,” I am more likely to trust you.
4. Ensure their physiological needs are met
Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (explained here) illustrates that a person’s physiological needs must be met before they are able to move forward with learning. These needs include food, water, shelter, and rest. It stands to reason that if a student is distracted by hunger or thirst that they will not be able to focus on the brilliant instructional activity that a teacher has prepared. Equally, if a child is suffering from a lack of sleep or is not feeling safe, they will also be unable to fully engage in their learning. Caring adults must always be alert to the signs that a child has not eaten or has other unmet physiological needs. Respectfully involving others like administrators, school counselors, or school social workers in addressing these needs is important so that the team can work together to benefit the child.
6. Make things better and brighter
Similar to the first item on this list, the world can be very dark for some children. Planning instructional spaces that are bright and cheery is important. Constantly pointing out the good things around them becomes important to help children see the good shining among the bad. Help students show appreciation for the folks who serve them lunch and clean their classroom. In doing so, point out that these adults do this work for them individually and for the rest of their classmates. Showing that adults care enough to clean and serve allows children to appreciate their own worth.
I am convinced that the very best programs, the latest technology, the newest school building, the most efficient administrator, and the smartest teacher do not make any difference in student outcomes if a student does not have a positive relationship with the adults in the school building. Relationships matter. In the case of student success, relationships are crucial.
The following six ideas will help nurture authentic relationships with students and help them feel ownership in the classroom and school.
1. Be positive
Students know if we really care or if we are just “faking it.” They see through cursory attempts to pretend to be interested in their lives. Plan moments for quick, individual conversations with students. A quick one-on-one chat in the hallway, between classes, during downtime, or at recess allows the opportunity to ask questions about a student’s interests and lives. Taking the time to really get to know our students demonstrates a genuine interest. Intentionally greeting every student at the doorway as they arrive allows both the opportunity to personally welcome the wonderful young people we are blessed to serve and to set the tone of the day or class period.
Everyone has an area of personal interest. Invest the time to discover what each child is interested in. Beyond demonstrating a desire for an authentic relationship, knowing their interests allows you to tailor the curriculum and make it relevant for each child. If a child loves trains, help them find library books about locomotives. If the young person loves sports, use the statistics of baseball or gymnastic scores to illustrate math concepts. If you know “me,” I am more likely to trust you.
Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (explained here) illustrates that a person’s physiological needs must be met before they are able to move forward with learning. These needs include food, water, shelter, and rest. It stands to reason that if a student is distracted by hunger or thirst that they will not be able to focus on the brilliant instructional activity that a teacher has prepared. Equally, if a child is suffering from a lack of sleep or is not feeling safe, they will also be unable to fully engage in their learning. Caring adults must always be alert to the signs that a child has not eaten or has other unmet physiological needs. Respectfully involving others like administrators, school counselors, or school social workers in addressing these needs is important so that the team can work together to benefit the child.
5. Ensure their fulfillment needs are met
Higher up on Maslow’s Hierarchy are other important needs. These needs must also be met. They include love, sense of belonging, knowledge, achievement, curiosity, self-actualization. Realizing that the need to feel loved appears before the need to learn demonstrates the power of and need for positive relationships with children. 
Similar to the first item on this list, the world can be very dark for some children. Planning instructional spaces that are bright and cheery is important. Constantly pointing out the good things around them becomes important to help children see the good shining among the bad. Help students show appreciation for the folks who serve them lunch and clean their classroom. In doing so, point out that these adults do this work for them individually and for the rest of their classmates. Showing that adults care enough to clean and serve allows children to appreciate their own worth.
After 25 years in education, I have encountered educators who do all of these things naturally. I have also encountered educators who eschew anything they see as "that warm and fuzzy stuff." The truth is we cannot fail to build relationships with our students in the midst of the degradation of families, faith-based groups, and civic organizations. As those institutions weaken, educators are called upon once again to stand in the gap.
In this case, that gap could widen into a gulf separating students who are more likely to be successful because they have caring adults they trust in their life from those who may not find success because they didn't.
Be the caring adult. Establish authentic relationships with students. They are worth it!
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